Being A Wife God’s Way
Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies.
Blueprints and diagrams are given for everything that you choose to do. Recipes are written for certain foods so that another may follow that recipe to make the same dish. Patterns are printed on tissue paper in certain sizes so that another seamstress can cut out a garment that will fit the one for which it is being made. Instructions come with any gadget that "needs assembly" so that when you buy the item you can make it work.
If everything in life was so easy we could have a perfect world, but unfortunately it is not. There are no hard, fast rules that will insure you a perfect, happily-ever-after future with no problems or heartaches. That kind of life left us at the Garden of Eden. Sin came into this world and ruined everything, even those things at which we work so hard. But the Lord gives us guidelines to go by for the best possible results in any endeavor in our lives. If you are serious about having a happy marriage and giving it the best possible chance of survival then you are on the right track.
I asked a few ladies the question, "What is something that you wished you had known before you got married that would have helped you in your marriage?" The very first response I received was, "I wish that I had learned what submission really means. The post-women's-liberation-movement girls are taught not to be submissive to anyone, especially a man, since it is demeaning and not womanly. The truth is, it is a very womanly thing in your marriage."
What is submission? Mr. Webster says that it is the act of yielding to power or authority; humble or suppliant behavior; obedience; resignation; a yielding of one’s will to the will of a superior without murmuring. In every aspect of life, there must be someone who is in control. Every job has a boss, every state has a governor, and every country has a ruler of some kind. This is so that operations run smoothly and in order. There is no confusion when everyone knows their place and does not try to usurp authority over the one that is in charge and responsible. God gave us an order of authority in the home as well. "But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God." (1 Corinthians 11:3) This does not mean that one is more important than the other, only that there are definite positions that we are called to fill to keep everything in order. So, what are some of those words he used to describe submission? Yielding. Suppliant (asking humbly, not demanding). Obedient. Humble. If you are a follower of Christ, do you not follow him in this way? We are to regard and love our husbands with the same regard and love that we have for Christ. No, this will not anger God, for we are to be the perfect picture of a Christian in a relationship with God and that is what marriage is all about. Treating your husband with respect and trust is being in submission to him. To get a better picture, imagine what you would do if you were talking to Jesus. Would you tell Jesus that you do not have to obey him or listen to what he says? Do you dare to call God , "My old man", or put him down in front of others the way some women do their husbands? Do you argue with God about things that you do not want to do, or about things that you do want to do, when his will is plain? If you have no respect for your husband, you have no respect for God and his Word. Lack of respect and submission will tear at your marriage until it falls apart.
Another response that I received was, "learning how to not take every disagreement between you and your husband as a personal attack on yourself." Just because he does not agree with you does not mean that he thinks you are stupid or cannot do anything right. This is a very childish attitude and if you think this way, this kind of spirit will bring contention and strife between you and your husband. Learn from what he says to you and in the decisions that he makes. If his decision is wrong, never say, "I told you so!" If you are married, you are supposed to grow up and be adults, not stay in the nursery throwing toys at each other. What peace you will bring into your marriage if you realize that you are his "help", not his antagonist!
"Some things can only be learned through trial and error, but being selfish is one of the biggest problems when you are first married. If you learn beforehand to do things for others out of love instead of on demand, I believe it will save a lot of problems later on." Marriage must be founded on real love. This kind of love is not something that you fall into. It is choosing to give your devotion, respect and life to one person forever. There is not room for selfishness in a decision like that. You may think that it would be so easy to be unselfish to the one that you love, but you must remember that he is a human, too. He is going to be thoughtless at times and hurt your feelings. Are you mature enough to take that without becoming angry? Can you remember that you love him because he does love you and be able to "go on"?
"Men should never have to demand that their wife do something, and the same the other way around. It should always come from the heart." We once knew a wife who never cleaned her house. The home was always a terrible mess, the bathroom was worse than an outhouse and even the floors began to rot away. The husband did not like to live that way and it became a matter of contention. He would even take it upon himself at times to go from room to room cleaning, only to have his home back in the disgusting mess again within a few days. Her selfish and lazy attitude toward his desires made him eventually give up and leave her. "Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands." (Proverbs 14:1) Everyone likes a clean place to live and your husband will love and appreciate you more if he sees your effort to keep things neat and in order. Some men will even help you with some things when they know you are doing your best. It does not have to be spotless, but a clean home has a more peaceful and loving atmosphere. Your home will reflect the honor and respect that you have for your husband. You cannot love without respect and honor along with it.
It is not a sign of weakness to give in to someone else’s needs and desires but actually more of an indication of strength. Like every other sin, the easiest thing to do is just whatever you feel like doing. But life is not a continual party. It is working day to day, making things good for those around you. In return, you find that things are good for you, too.
"Learn the importance of making your husband your best friend and confidant, and that what is spoken or done in private should remain in that sacred circle." Some girls have had best friends to which they would always tell everything. When you marry, your best friend is your husband, not anyone else. This does not mean that you have to shun your friends when you get married, but it does mean that now there are no more sharing of secrets with others or telling private things (whether good or bad) to your best bud. The "garden enclosed" in Song of Solomon 4:12 belongs to your husband and is not to be shared with others.
Many young people these days are coming from broken homes. Mom is with someone other than their father and Dad has a new wife and other children, and this is not only common in worldly families but is profuse in our churches. Example is our greatest tool for learning and though we have depended on our parents to show us the right way and they have done their best, everyone makes mistakes. Children are being raised in homes that have selfish parents, therefore they are producing children who become selfish parents themselves. But you can be different! If you have decided that you want to be a godly wife and mother, there is no reason why you cannot. God has given us the Bible in which we can study and find answers to every need we have. Glean from godly mothers around you, always keeping in mind that they are human, too, and apt to do some things wrong. Learn from their successes and mistakes, pray for wisdom and guidance from the Lord and live your life the way that you would have your children live theirs. Remember, one day you will be the one that they will either want to look up to or will have no confidence in. Which kind of mother do you want to be?
Your best guarantee for a good marriage is to love and follow the Lord Jesus Christ. Be willing to have Jesus be your judge and guide in everything that you face in life. There is no friend that will be more honest with you about yourself and your situation that he will be. One lady put it this way, "If someone always agrees with you and tells you you're right, you may wind up making some very unfortunate, costly decisions. For wise counsel, instead talk with someone who will offer a different perspective and help you work through a situation to a positive resolution." No one will give you the truth like the Lord, and we should follow his steps.
Faithful are the wounds of a friend; but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful. Proverbs 27:6
Take fast hold of instruction; let her not go: keep her; for she is thy life.
(This devotion is going in the next issue of "Jewels For His Crown". I just thought I would share it.)